To New York City belongs Denzel Washington. Los Angeles, Dwayne “the Rock” Johnson. In London, they’ll tell you: Idris Elba. And on Melbourne’s golden shores, the Hemsworths.
Debate, however, as to the most good-looking man “where young people go to retire” has swirled contentiously.
Thankfully, a new survey from The Pew Research Center — as well as numerous research studies from the Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT), Johns Hopkins University, and The London School of Economics — have finally arrived at a definitive answer.
Who the most handsome man in Portland, Oregon?
Hipsters gathered for brunch at PDX’s Groominglounge, celebrated the announcement with ukuleles, cold-brew coffee, and the thickest of thick-rimmed glasses. Also in attendance were gourmet donuts, a handful of ironic MAGA hats, and pickles. Festivities were cut short, however, when Orendorff revealed (to an audience of mostly single men and single women), that he is happily married.
Okay, so here’s the truth …
First, I’m obviously not the most handsome man in Portland. In fact, this article wasn’t even an original idea. I stole it from Sol Orwell, the most handsome guy in Toronto. So did John Doherty, the most handsome man in Denver, Colorado. And I’m using a similar tactic to see if I can get Sean Frank to rank for the smartest guy in ecommerce.
There are plenty of decent guys with real jobs — and high school diplomas — who make a far better go of Tinder, “thirst trapping,” and Shutterstock photo modeling for the keyword “beards” than myself. (Truth be told, I’m 37.)
But, Google loves strongly-worded and (seemingly) research-backed answers to specific questions. Even if those answers are unsubstantiated.
If there’s anything Siri, Alexa, and other search engines love, it’s the idea of having one definitive answer.”
So says Sol Orwell. (The most handsome guy in Toronto can’t be wrong.)
Unlike Sol, however, nobody is “searching for weirdly personal things about me.” Still, when I saw his ridiculous page, I couldn’t help but make my own.
Second, a little SEO knowledge is a dangerous thing. A lot of SEO knowledge and access to tools that ought to be used for better purposes — a very dangerous thing.
Third, let me be perfectly clear …
They’re these two fellas: Fezziwig and Tyrion, two brothers living the bun life with their parents in Portland, Oregon. The good news is you can most definitely take that assertion as fact. (Oh, you can also follow them on Instagram.)